Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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