So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
