I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
