quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
