And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
