i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
only you would photoshop your dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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