how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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