wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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