what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
