For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
