There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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