he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
