walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
