theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
