I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize