WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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