I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
