Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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