Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
