im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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