You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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