I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
