You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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