It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
