I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
