i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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