even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
