i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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