who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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