I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
