unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
