Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
