I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
