u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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