The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
