New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
