I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
