yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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