im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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