You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize