Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
