I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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