I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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