in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
