So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
