i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
