I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
