Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sarcasm needs its own font
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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