Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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