Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
