I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
