I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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