Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How's work?
Spinning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
