I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
