Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
