His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
