Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So much rum. So many feels.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
