Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
