better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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