I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How external is "for external use only"?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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