Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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