I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
