I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
