My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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