You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
why is half of my head shaved?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
