I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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