So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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