he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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