i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
