I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
