is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
