i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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